A few days ago, someone forwarded me a video of the very famous VJ, Mathira. The clip showed her being abused and harassed by live callers. At first, I was quite annoyed with the live callers, but when I watched closely, the live callers weren't the only ones to be blamed, were they? After all the lady does dress very cheaply and at times, uses indecent facial gestures during her live call sessions. The only thing I can praise her for is the way she bashes rude live callers very confidently. Some media people tend to drop offensive live calls the moment they find that a caller is exceeding his or her limits. How come these calls to Mathira didn't get dropped-was it deliberate? Self-censorship, anyone? First of all, why couldn’t the producer or any other member of the show's team prevent her from using the kind of language and gestures she does? Doesn't anybody regulate her dress code, behaviour and live calls? What regulations and code of ethics are being followed by the channel and host? Does her team encourage her to receive such calls? Are they trying to compete with MTV Loveline? What is the objective? What we do choose to ban An old video by a band Rushk was banned after several months of being aired. Another report, in 2006, said that Pakistani channels were banning music videos without any logical reason or valid justification. The videos for Behti naar, Pal do pal, Jalan and Main nahi hoon were criticised. If these music videos offended people enough to be banned, why do the same channels air offensive talk shows? All the supposedly vulgar things that have been banned in the past did not necessarily deserve to be treated that way. Cheap does not equal cool Coming back to the show, you have to wonder if Mathira is used as  a publicity stunt, or whether she is being exploited for entertainment purposes. Since PEMRA arbitrarily decided to block other channels-what about this one? Remember the good old days in the 1990s, when most of us would wait for Music Channel Charts to air? The VJs on that show were dressed to perfection. There was no element of obscenity to gain viewership; nothing about the show was vulgar. Being open-minded is commendable, but promoting vulgarity shouldn't be lauded as a symbol of liberalism.  Such shows present anything but progressiveness.

An article published in the Los Angeles Times describes notorious TV show host Mathira as “Pakistan’s Paris Hilton”. While the comparison does fit with regards to both women being sex symbols (don’t roll your eyes, Mathira’s got the oomph), to me she seems to represent so much more than that. In a country where a greater part of the population prefers to watch “family friendly” TV shows, Mathira brazenly landed up on the sets of VIBE as a host on Love Indicator, a show where she invited callers to share their relationship problems and make song requests. While many were offended by and critical of her plunging necklines and snug clothing, the ratings for her show went higher and higher. And why should it have been any different? Her show rocked because more than being scandalous, Mathira was unapologetic, entertaining and not afraid to hit back at obnoxious callers that insulted her wit and bluntness. I must admit, her humorous retorts to particularly sleazy callers had me wondering how much of her show was scripted and how many of her blonde moments were extempore retorts. The point I’m trying to make here is that Mathira is a head turner without Daddy’s money or a surname that screams ‘inheritance’. She’s got brains enough to realize what sells, rope in the ads and is not afraid to show it by capitalizing on the idea with a few 'Gujee gujees'. Not only did she become instantly popular, she did what a lot of Pakistani women don’t dare to do: push limits. Regardless of clichés and stereotypes, in the face of threats and possible censorship, Mathira’s superwoman attitude gets my vote. "Life is like a car," she says. "There's not much view back and a big windscreen forward." As scandalous and sexy as both women may be, in some ways Mathira is a role model that Paris could probably only hope to be – more power to her!

“It wasn’t part of the show. It was an accident!” pleaded designer Sanam Chaudhri after the scandalous Mathira fashion faux pas at her showcase on day one of Fashion Pakistan Week. Chauhdri spoke in Mathira’s defense saying "I felt so bad for her, and she started crying the moment she got off the ramp." But when something of this nature happens with a personality like Mathira (whose last name is Scandal) people most likely assume that it was deliberate. Fashion writer and cultural commentator, Mohsin Sayeed, certainly thinks so. “Of course, it was deliberate," he said. “If it wasn’t then why did the top fall at the head of the ramp?” For Sayeed, the "perfect timing" leads him to intuitively believe that the whole thing was contrived. “It was very much choreographed and construed. I didn’t see any embarrassment on her face when she walked back, and I have seen several such malfunctions over the course of my career as a fashion writer.” He cites how super model Aaminah Haq back in the 1990s suffered a similar fate, and three years ago, at the first ever fashion week, model Fayeza Ansari had a rather uncomfortable moment as her dress rode extremely high. However, former editor for Instep, Fareshteh Aslam, also a front row spectator as Sayeed, feels differently. “I saw her turn around and lift it up. She was taken aback by it.” The front row can often make one privy to the strangest things so the fashion media has always been unfazed by such incidents. But to quote Mathira herself, “s*** happens." The only issue now, as Aslam points out: “There are 80 cameras all wanting a piece of the action instead of one that used to be the norm back in the day.” Fashion was always conducted with great intimacy amongst a select audience behind closed doors, perhaps in the realisation that pushing any kind of boundaries, be it artistic, cultural, religious, social, or political in a society as dogmatic as ours, must be handled with immense fragility. And of course, then there’s always that argument that if this is not what people wear, why show it as such. Few realise that a ramp is a platform for unbridled creativity. It is also an artists’ space to be outrageous. Many of these seemingly outlandish designs are then curbed and tailored to suit the common palette in a form that is accessible to the local market. Also, a point of contention is that the attire presented is vulgar and ‘not our culture’. To that I’d like to say, get out of that utopia that you have created for yourself. Every kind of society has every kind of indivdual. I'll relate a story that will explain this. When I was in Iraq last month, I was embarrassed to see slinky lingerie and tacky mini dresses hung in the local bazaars en route to Hazrat Ali’s shrine. You don’t expect to see such a blatant display of sexuality outside a spiritual shrine. (There is a time and place for things and a shrine certainly isn’t the place for it). Yet, there it was, brazenly out in the open; tank tops and bustiers and clingy dresses. If there wasn’t a market for these why would they be there in the first place? The incident reminded me of my early years in Saudi Arabia, a country literally cloaked in conservatism. However, even there, one would see stores glittering full of sexy ball gowns and the likes. The only difference of course is that women would wear them behind closed doors, and there was no proof in terms of public photography or footage capturing what went on behind closed doors. That does not mean that women in any society have not desired to look sexy and beautiful. But as society opens up, there is this unrestrained urge to control women’s right to speak, move, work and the most evil of them all - her right to dress. This is the price that every society has to pay for the onslaught of modernity; for each mega byte of advances in telecommunications and technology, you give up gigabytes of your privacy, even that brittle privacy that you once shared with a small group of like-minded people gets exposed and becomes a battleground for moral debate.   Read more by Hani here, or follow her on Twitter @taha_hani.

As I throw in my 2000 rupees worth (because two cents just doesn’t cut it anymore) into the ring about who should be the caretaker prime minister, I’d first like to congratulate my fellow Pakistanis on having managed their lives with unreliable electricity, inflation, and joblessness. Like a long fasting day in the summer heat during which we thought we won’t make it, iftar time is finally here and perhaps after the elections we may celebrate Eid. But in that midst, we must decide who our Eid ka chand will be. For the two non-Muslim Pakistanis remaining in the country and the several Jewish media agents reading my piece during their routine spying on us Pakistanis, I refer to the caretaker prime minister nomination and election. After much careful thought, I decided to order Fat Burger. Sitting overseas, it makes me feel closer to my countrymen who also have a branch there to dine at. It was while munching on the fries that I thought about who should have been on the nomination list. I narrowed down my list as below: Mohsin Khan: Under his coaching (interim role ahem ahem),Pakistan managed to win three Test series including one against the number one Test country (at that time) – our old rulers, the ‘Great Beaten’, I mean Britain. Even at the age of 50 he has managed to hold on to his good looks and charismatic personality. Of course those aspects aren’t of any real use to the prime minister role but when did we ever elect prime ministers on the basis of having any kind of skill set? The downside is that just as the country will start doing well, he’ll be replaced. It might also be a problem for PTI supporters whose prayers over the last five years of an ex-cricketer named Khan becoming prime minister would be wasted on the wrong one. Our Cricket Team:  All of them; they work great together… in short formats. The shorter the better! Their concentration won’t last beyond the ‘20’ days of governance. The possible downside is that there might be a sudden shift in the election results at the last minute if the caretaker government decides to ‘match fix’(old habits die hard). Veena Malik:  We’ve just been beaten by India on gender equality and even though we sit at a lowly ‘123’ in the world, we would be patting ourselves on the back and continuing the charade of giving women more freedom. I’d say our rankings were propelled by Veena Malik whose daring acts and outspoken nature in this chauvinistic society must have fooled the UN compilers of this data. I personally admire her and would love to see all the excitement around her leading the nation. She could host a prayer show on TV in which we are all asked for pardoning of our sins lest the current government returns. In the evenings she would distract us all from our hard lives by hosting a kiss the prime minister night which would be a first in the world. Take that Punjab government and your obsession with world records. Finally, her English would confuse any foreign government or internal terrorists about what she is trying to stay and she would be able to get away with all her demands. Viva Pakistan!  Tariq Aziz:  Yes, the Tariq Aziz of Neelam Ghar. In the brief period of the interim government, this could be absolutely brilliant. Our previous governments have constantly sold off our country for their own gains and sold off valuable assets (Gwadar port, etc). Why not turn it into a fun and transparent event? Tariq could host it on television and have large mass participation and corporate sponsorship. We can invite people from all over the world and have a carnival with this one. With everything valuable gone, the incoming government won’t be able to loot us any further either. Agha Waqar Khan: This hero who got us in the news all over the world deserves a nomination. Maybe we could get him linked to a Gulf investor and together they could announce their plan to invest billions to build the biggest water run car in the world in Karachi. The downside could be that no one might be able to locate our nominee as he tends to disappear. I would vote for him though. Just kitting. Mathira: She’s just like our government - we criticise their work continuously and yet continue to vote them in and keep them on ‘air’. She’s like our awaam – poorly clad. She is Pakistan. The morning show where callers get to talk to the prime minister would be so much fun as she coyly avoids any real questions. Every disastrous move by the government could be side-lined at the drop off a top. I do think it might boost our tourism industry as people would be fooled into thinking Pakistan is an open, liberated society. The downside? People might vote her in permanently. Imran Khan: Since he’s promised to get everything fixed in 90 days… PHOTOS: ONLINE PUBLICITY Read more by Salman here. 

It is estimated that by the year 2050, our population will be 300 million strong. Every day, a whopping 14,000 babies are born. That is 14,000 more mouths to feed, 14,000 more children to educate and 14,000 children that need to be provided for. An average woman in Pakistan has 5 to 6 babies during her lifetime. It is without a doubt that we need more awareness and easier access to contraceptives. So for me, when an advertisement that delivers a message relating to birth control airs on TV, it is an occasion of celebration; a development that should be praiseworthy. That was, of course, till I saw Josh Condoms and Mathira’s take on what an ad selling condoms should look like. Mathira’s latest show stopping performance in a ‘Josh Condom’ ad has made people blush in embarrassment and gawk at the sheer obnoxiousness of the gross, innuendo-laden and completely inappropriate approach to a very important subject. Playing the part of a trophy wife, Mathira makes the entire neighbourhood jealous as they wonder how a man, evidently her inferior in looks, appeal and charm could secure the love of this supermodel. The advert continues with coy looks, loaded with explicit meaning and right at the end of the 50-second clip, the lucky husband reveals his secret: Josh Condoms – that is how he managed to secure and 'tame' this wife that everybody is so envious of. I don’t know about you, but the insinuation is crystal clear to me; if you are good in bed using Josh Condoms, any woman can be yours. By using this condom, your wife, will lovingly see you off to work; she will make you ‘thanda’, and will be the perfect companion for you. The message is that if you use this condom, you can secure a perfect woman -- or any woman. I have seen many TV shows and adverts that reduce women through various means, be it money, good looks, status and so on. However, this advertisement has to be the most lewd description of how one can secure a woman’s affection through sex. Maybe Mathira thought she was doing a great service to women by perhaps preventing them from enduring the pain and suffering of multiple births, but I wonder if she realises that by agreeing to be part of this ad, she has thrown women a hundred steps back. She has made us look like mere objects that can be controlled by sex. She has, in just 50 seconds, reduced a lifetime of work done by remarkable women like Fouzia Syed and Sharmeen Obaid to empower women, to make them more than just their sex. Can a woman have more facets to her personality or must she always be attracted to just one thing? A woman is smart enough to consider other things before she ties the knot. The last straw in this advertisement is that five seconds at the end which proclaims that the condom is now available in strawberry flavour too. This disgustingly tasteless addition to the ad has no place in a conservative society like our own. The topic of family planning and sex education is taboo in Pakistan and this was a very important subject matter that needed to be handled with delicacy. This ad just made it dirty. Josh Condoms, please take a bow - through your low-brow, disrespectful approach to marketing birth control, you have likely permanently damaged what little chance other people had to educate people about family planning through the media. While I am all for awareness about why contraception is important, this advertisement is by no means the way to do it. This is why when Pakistan Electronic Media Regulation Authority (PEMRA) announced that is has banned the ad, I reluctantly nodded my head in approval – not something you see me do often with regards to PEMRA’s policies. I agree with the statement that the advertisement was generally “perceived as indecent, immoral and in sheer disregard to our socio-cultural and religious values.” An advertisement about sex need not sell a woman as an object. It can be tasteful, educational and can deliver the message in a way that works in a conservative, fiercely patriarchal society where education and awareness about sex is abysmal. Mathira, maybe it is time to think about Pakistan and not just yourself. Your decision to take part in this farce has done us a grave disservice. [poll id="274"] Read more by Zahra here or follow her on Twitter @ZahraPeer

I spent much of the last week of 2013 writing a review about the fantastic year Pakistani music had just had. On the first day of 2014, I woke up to the video of Arbaz Khan and Mathira’s song, Jhoota. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x190fjx_mathira-feat-arbaz-khan-jhootha-official-music-video-hd_music[/embed] My life will never be the same again. To start off with, I was a bit disappointed that Arbaz was not Salman Khan’s brother/Malaika Arora’s husband, a fact which said more about how irrelevant my references were and less about the situation. In fact, when Malaika Arora was actually worth knowing about (MTV Loveline, circa 2000) this particular Arbaz was still a zygote. To put that in plain English, a video which is already one of the raunchiest you will see this year, involves Mathira cavorting provocatively with a 12-year-old child who can rap. The video’s most offensive aspect is the scandalous amount of auto-tune on Mathira’s voice, which makes it difficult to focus on the lyrics. Once you do, you enter a world so bizarre that all the hipsters in the world couldn’t muster enough irony to mock it. You see, Arbaz spits out rhymes about how he’s going to make Mathira ‘his honey’ while she expresses doubts about his honesty. The fact that Arbaz has yet to hit puberty makes this video feel like a particularly zealous student trying to gain admission to a tuition centre where the teacher pouts a lot. Jhoota is also a fitting riposte to last year’s viral sensation Taher Shah, who had preached a life based on Eye to Eye. Arbaz wasn’t really tall enough to reach Mathira’s eyes, but the view he settled upon has many seething in envy. In my mind, both the video as well as its content make this the ideal candidate for the Pakistani version of Rickrolling. Here are some examples. https://twitter.com/karachikhatmal/status/418376554071470080 https://twitter.com/karachikhatmal/status/418374775283933185 The internet’s initial reaction was to blame Mathira and do the usual Pakistani thang of ogling at a woman while condemning her to the eternal hell fire. However, some voices pointed out that surely the responsibility to discipline and protect Arbaz belonged with the parents. Well, in a plot twist so bizarre that it would make even the messed-up parents on the Jerry Springer Show say “N***a Whaa?” the video was directed by none other than Arbaz’s own brother. The Khan household must have some off-the-hook family videos, it would seem. Most of the best tweets on the matter are not really printable on ET’s page, but here are some of the most safe-to-see reactions. Political options for the duo: https://twitter.com/ZarrarKhuhro/status/418651505865285632 https://twitter.com/XilleIlahi/status/418653077621579776 Trying to make sense of what one just saw: https://twitter.com/mlotia/status/418344417582645248 https://twitter.com/OmairrAslam/status/418354938209525760 https://twitter.com/SheikhImaan/status/418383726528057344 https://twitter.com/asadaly_/status/418357411695439876 Suggesting what might, or should have happened: https://twitter.com/YSHayat/status/418361589587525632 https://twitter.com/ahsanhaseeb/status/418410072164028416 https://twitter.com/Shumyl/status/418356982291369984 https://twitter.com/merabichrayaar/status/418365966997655552 https://twitter.com/NotAPaidActor/status/418394539930705920 The prediction and the result: https://twitter.com/omar_quraishi/status/418376254321340416 https://twitter.com/unodanish/status/418479827272728576 Post-script: I did manage to hear another, rather lovely song later in the day where we had another far-too-young-Romeo chasing after an older woman. This time around, the video was cute and the only body parts the boy stuck his face in were another man’s arm pit, so no one seemed to mind. Do check out the song though – Jimmy Khan & the Big Ears with Nadiya – just for fun!

Step aside, Pitbull. There’s a brand new way to be inappropriately close to women way out of your league!  It is a lesson not just for Pakistanis but for all humanity, for all men and children who are aiming to be men. Arbaz Khan, the pre-teen pre-pubescent boy, whose baby fat is still probably lodged in places that only the next five years can remove, shakes his groove with a woman old enough to be his mother. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x190fjx_mathira-feat-arbaz-khan-jhootha-official-music-video-hd_music[/embed] My eyes widen as does Mathira’s cleavage. My throat constricts as Mathira belts out one tuneless note after another. Not that I am against sex-positive feminism or against ladies singing their hearts out, but this is all too reminiscent of a Shakespearean tragedy or a Greek play filled with inappropriate gesticulating, mediocre lyrics and substandard budgeting. Sex sells and Mathira is game, sure. But that definitely does not mean that she gets to dance with, what anyone with an IQ of 70 can label as, a child and call it ‘entertainment’. In most countries, this could be considered child abuse, or definitely in a dangerously grey area. Whether I was on a Parent’s Television Council or the Grammy nomination panel, I would still cringe - out of distaste at someone’s poor attempt to sell something that was just average by using Mathira’s ‘assets’. When Aaron Carter and Justin Beiber sang about love’s labours, they at least chose someone their own size. Arbaz – with all his spiked glories – cannot reach anywhere beyond Mathira’s shoulders. I wonder if Arbaz Khan’s parents are listening or if parents of other equally hormonal, financially stable teenagers (with enough in their piggy banks to finance an SLR, a digital animator and a fancy laptop) are staying up at night thinking of all the requests their sons will be making after watching this video, requests like:

“But, mommy, why can’t I dance with my friend’s mom? If Arbaz Khan can, why can’t I?”

“Tu saath mere achi lagay, jagg saara ye jaanta!” (You look good with me, the whole world knows.)

Mathira is a young and talented icon of Pakistan and I do not understand why the people of this country love to hate her. Last year the uproar was on her modelling in the Josh condom advertisement and the latest ruckus is over her latest song Jhootha. I really do not think that there is any need to get so worked up over Jhootha. In fact, even the critics found nothing wrong with the song except perhaps, the age of Arbaz Khan. The audience has even gone so far as to comment that Arbaz is yet to reach puberty but little do they know that the onset of puberty occurs at the age of 12. There have even been negative remarks about his height and weight which is frankly just uncalled for. In July 2013, Mathira appeared in a condom advert which in my opinion was a public service message to encourage the use of condoms in a country struggling with population control. But how did our society react? They conveniently and quite expectedly, labelled the ad and her as ‘vulgar’. Take a moment and think about it. Pakistan – quite literally a ticking time bomb when it comes to our explosive population growth rates – is in dire need of family planning. And that is exactly what condoms do. They offer a family planning solution which is less expensive and is considered to have fewer side effects in comparison to alternatives like birth control pills and intrauterine devices (IUDs). In addition, condoms offer ‘safe sex’ against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and other major diseases including Hepatitis B and C as well as HIV/AIDS. So, the way I see it, Mathira brought the issue out in the open, tried to create awareness in the population and offered a solution through the advertisement. But what did this blind nation do in return? They called her vulgar. If you think about it, it is not Mathira who is raunchy and obscene. It is us, the majority of our population, who are perverted. This is evidenced by the fact that between 2004 and 2012, Google search engine trending showed that Pakistan topped the world in searching for pornography, outranking every other country in the world in searches-per-person for certain sex-related content. Then, our government took notice and banned over 1, 000 top porn sites in Pakistan. And this is the reason why perverted Pakistanis dislike Mathira because as much as they may try not to, they equate everything with porn; and openly, porn cannot be accepted. She is a super model with style and charisma that threatens their mentality of labelling anyone different or daring as ‘racy’ or ‘vulgar’. Pakistani men can watch porn but Mathira tries to impart sex education to people and they term her ‘vulgar’. I remember when Mathira used to host a late-night programme on Vibe TV called Love Indicator. She once received a live call from a man who made some negative comment about her dressing and her body. Instead of getting flustered or cutting the call short, she boldly told the caller said that he needed to go home to his wife. She pointed out that live shows were not the place to solve his problems. So, again I ask you, who is vulgar – the caller for unnecessarily passing lewd remarks or Mathira for putting him in his place and indicating to others that neither she nor other women should be treated with such disrespect? Coming to the video, I would argue that we don’t seem to have a problem looking at a video of semi-clad women from the West dancing about young boys like Justin Beiber. Apparently in that case there seems to be nothing wrong and that doesn’t ‘directly’ affect our culture, but when it’s our own women, we will leave no stone unturned to make sure she is derided. Both were run on television were they not? The audience is still the same, is it not? Then why this hypocrisy? The video was directed by Arbaz Khan’s brother, which in effect shows that he did in fact have a guardian looking over him throughout the making of this video. If his parents and older siblings seem to have no problem with the content of the video, who are we to make a judgment call? Unfortunately, throughout her career to date, people have questioned her morals and ethics. However, I think that she is doing a service to society by fighting against taboos and stigmas all on her own. In the face of such harsh criticism, she has taken it upon herself to tackle taboo subjects such as sexuality, love, family planning, HIV/Aids and educate the masses about them so that they refrain from learning the wrong things from the wrong sources such as the internet and pornography sites. What adds to the hypocrisy is that it is mostly the male members of our society who view inappropriate content on the internet and it is these very males, most of the time, who then miss no chance to mock and insult people like Mathira who are actually trying to make a difference in society. It is quite obvious that chauvinistic males are threatened by the likes of Mathira and the work that she is doing for society. I fail to understand how it is okay for the people of this country to watch pornography and inappropriate content but try to educate them about sex – health, safety and precautions – and they term the person ‘immoral’ and ‘obscene’. This narrow-minded nation has a panacea in Mathira, if only they would open their eyes. Hats off to you Mathira, you are truly Pakistan’s superwoman and we, the mentally sound, will keep on supporting you in your cause.

The ever famous model-turned-singer, Ayyan Ali, released her debut single ‘You and I’ featuring Charm a few days ago. Since then, the 21-year-old supermodel has had to face severe criticism with regard to the music video and her singing abilities (or lack thereof). In my humble opinion, whatever the quality of the song may be, I applaud the young model for doing something she believed in – despite knowing the kind of backlash received by her counterparts earlier. I came across the music video the day it was released, and honestly speaking, I didn’t think it was all that bad. It was, in my opinion, very well directed and produced; Ayyan was given the spotlight and she definitely did it justice. Although the video did have a strong ‘Western’ element, it was shot beautifully. It starts off portraying Ayyan as femme fatale and a little later goes on to introduce Charm, as he raps alongside our exquisitely dressed model. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x22m50d_ayyan-ft-f-charm-you-and-i-official-music-video_music[/embed] Although some critics believe her voice was auto-tuned, this very trend has become quite common in the music industry. Take, for example, Rebecca Black and Britney Spears, both are infamous for using auto-tune in their music. Yes, Ayyan’s singing may not have been top-notch, that is not to say I am criticising her ‘accent’, but the auto-tune was definitely over-the-top. The first few seconds of the song looked great, but the music failed to catch my attention – it did, however, pick up the pace during the second half of the song – enough for me to write this piece in its defence. Although some of the harsh reviews from fans and music critics were expected, the degree of hate being spewed was not anticipated. Despite all her efforts and achievements, Ayyan was dropped like a hot potato straight into a ball of fire. What bothers me about this critical view, however, is that it is not that Ayyan, a model, made a debut as a singer, it is because Pakistan has refused to accept all the new celebrities trying their luck with music and singing. When Veena Malik released her music video titled ‘Drama Queen’ she was given flak for every little detail of the video. Yes, she may have a ‘vivid’ public image, but I do not remember that becoming the right of keyboard warriors to insult and demoralise her or her abilities. I may not have liked the song, but the fact that critics took to insulting instead of giving constructive criticism is what struck the wrong chord for me. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xtzx9l_veena-malik-song-drama-queen-fuul-song_music[/embed] Coming out of your comfort zone takes time, effort and lots of guts. Sitting behind a pseudonym and computer screen, on the other hand, doesn’t. Yes, criticise, but don’t dispirit. Everyone can learn from their mistakes, and Pakistan is very active at pointing out the mistakes, but no one thinks to provide advice instead, encouragement or constructive criticism. How will things ever prosper if we keep shooting any and every effort down? In another instance, Ayesha Omar, who is acclaimed for her acting skills, was given the shorter end of the stick when she started singing as well. A number of critics were appreciative of her singing talents but as per usual, there were others who had no qualms blurting out their ‘reservations’ as well. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x17n0ih_coke-studio-season-6-episode-2-laage-re-nain-ayesha-omar-2013-hd-suleman-record_music[/embed] In this case, however, you will notice that due to the relatively timid reputation of the actress, the comments were not as negative as those for Veena Malik or Ayyan’s music video. In Mathira’s case, however, sh*t hit the roof. This celebrity was brave enough to release two singles: ‘Jadugar’ and ‘Jhoota’ but both the songs were bashed to the moon and back. In certain cases, like the video of ‘Jhoota’ many criticised the fact that it featured a boy who was much too young to have taken part in the video of its kind and that I agree with, but again, the misplaced criticism was directed towards her only and not the parents of the boy. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1ys4nx_mathira-jadugar-official-video-by-s-a_music[/embed] [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x190fjx_mathira-feat-arbaz-khan-jhootha-official-music-video-hd_music[/embed] When I asked around about the thoughts of certain individuals with regards to Ayyan’s music video ‘You and I’, the feedback I got from Warsi Nisar, an undergraduate student from Karachi, was,

“The music video was absolutely filthy! The singing was terrible. Thumbs down!”

“I liked the music video but her singing wasn’t the best.”

 “She’s a good model. I was quite impressed with her acting in the music video. Overall, I appreciate her effort.”

An event of momentous importance has occurred and, as is usual with the more earth shaking happenings, has been completely ignored. One might suspect a cover-up by the intelligence agencies because why, for the love of all that is holy, is no one talking about this? Shoaib Malik has challenged Yuvraj Singh to a dance-off. https://twitter.com/realshoaibmalik/status/623153354760294401 https://twitter.com/YUVSTRONG12/status/624999883674648576 Ladies and gentlemen, the gauntlet has been thrown. The reputation of our country is at stake. Two cricket legends (and-a-tennis-player-meh-nobody-cares) face off on the dance pitch. Or is it the cricket floor? The English language is not prepared for this. No one is prepared for this. We need to win my fellow Pakistanis. Because let’s face it, if this was a cricket match, we’d probably lose. It is about time that our players looked into alternate careers and what better way to stay in the spotlight than shaking your booty with your (not so famous) wife on the internet. Private channels, take note, this could be turned into the television event of the century. It’ll have to happen in collaboration with Bollywood, because we do not have the star power for something like this. Shah Rukh Khan and Saif Ali Khan could host the whole thing and tell crass jokes about everyone except the Bachans. We could put in a few item numbers as entrees to the main event, with Pakistani women in racy outfits right alongside their Indian sisters, because women can’t do anything else to illicit comment.  Then we could top it all off with a fireworks display once the winning team is announced. Speaking of teams, Shoaib is married to what’s-her-name, so we’ll need a partner for Yuvraj as well. To keep things fair, she ought to be Pakistani. He doesn’t have to be married to his partner, does he? Maybe he does, but that could be arranged right? That’s what social media trends are for. I nominate Mathira. Because if he does marry her, then she’ll move to India and it’ll be a load off of every ghairatmand Pakistanis’ mind. Now, everyone knows Pakistanis cannot dance. Singing is what we really excel at. The pact has been sealed however, so we’ll just have to look to other ways of winning. What? You didn’t know there were other ways to win? What planet are you from? It’s not about the dancing, it’s about the entertainment! Mrs Malik must be dressed in the least amount of glittery fabric (with LEDs) and if Shoaib feels uncomfortable about it, he can call a press conference or something afterwards and say that he hated doing it, really. It went against every moral fibre in his being but he’d already signed a contract. Hamza Ali Abbasi tried it and everything turned out okay for him. Where were we? Ah yes, winning. The outfits must be designed by a famous Pakistani designer. We could have all of them compete like they did for the PIA uniform. Two momentous social events (hyperventilates in a corner). And then the dance number itself must have the most mind-boggling effects CGI can come up with. We need to distract the judges from Pakistan’s complete lack of dancing skills at any cost. How about the Dettol warriors appear in a cameo? No, wait, the Dettol warriors and Commander Safeguard battle it out for anti-bacterial supremacy while the Maliks pirouette in the back ground. How can we have CGI at a live event? Listen honey, Indians and Pakistanis, we don’t really like each other, okay. Imagine what would happen if we put a few thousand together in a stadium and the team that half of the screaming masses was supporting, lost. The Indians would set everything on fire and the Pakistanis would blow themselves up. It’s not safe. So we film everything, edit it, pretend we have a live audience and then televise it for the world to see. People have been fooled before. All these ideas are copyright by the way. I am willing to sell the rights for the ‘India-Pakistan Cricket Dance-Off That Has No Cricket’ to GEO for a reasonable sum as long as Aamir Liaquat promises to close the whole event with a song and some tap dance. Also if Yuvraj wants to be a part of this, he has to have the Indian cricket team come play in Pakistan. What? Did I forget the judges? I don’t know man. I can’t think of everything. Is Simon Cowell free? Sakina out!

The year 2015 will be hosting its 14^th Lux Style Awards (LSA) ceremony. LSA is almost a teenager now, but instead of turning out to be a rebellious punk with a killer sense of style, it’s turned out to be a meek wallflower in dowdy dungarees. I say that because during the 14 years of its existence, I can’t recall a single memorable dance performance or a tear-jerking speech by any Pakistani actor or actress. For that matter, no outfit on the red carpet left any impression either; no glamorous gown, sari or dress left me absolutely stunned. We pause our lives to watch the Oscars, write thesis-long posts about each of the dresses worn by the leggy actresses, and torrent all the nominated films during commercial breaks. Even the International Indian Film Academy Awards (IIFA) performances are Youtubed through proxies and replicated at desi weddings from Delhi to Dharampura. So why do we treat the ‘Oscars’ of Pakistan like the Razzies? Now don’t go on blaming poor LSA for this travesty. The real problem isn’t the ceremony itself but how blah our ‘style’ dictators (event/entertainment managers) are. In this world of click-bait and virality, our entertainment gurus need to up their game for some serious eye-balling and tongue-wagging. So here are some ideas. 1. Fawad Khan and Mahira Khan pull a Notebook Okay, censor boards and morality won’t allow these two to kiss on stage like that passionate Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams lip affair, but the least they could do is enact that really steamy scene from Humsafar when Khirad’s safaid (white) dupatta almost shows a fraction of her seedhi maang (straight parting) and Asher almost makes eye contact with her for a fraction of a millisecond. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Twitter[/caption] 2. Mathira slips the tongue I’m thinking Molty Foam fingers, nude cholis and a mohawk sported by controversy queen Mathira? Too much? Okay twerking Punjabi style? Still too much? Groping Ali Zafar on stage? No? For God’s sake, will you let the poor woman at least accidently slip off her top on stage? 3. Sadaf Kanwal trips How can a size -zero drop dead gorgeous woman make herself more relatable and endearing to all size-50 wearing, average looking women? Well, drop down to her knees, of course! We all love a good dramatic fall from grace. And who better to fall down on the red carpet than this bushy eye browed beauty, who was accidently discovered at a salon in Karachi and then went on to compete in Veet Miss Super Model? If she says some Punjabi expletives on her way down, we’ll love her even more. 4. Model Jahan-e-Khalid wears a swan dress Okay, so I have two wishes in life before I die. 1. I want to see Jahan-e-Khalid shirtless 2. I want to get over my insane crush on Jahan-e-Khalid What better way to achieve both objectives than to get him to come to the event wearing nothing but a Bjork inspired swan dress. Swans too girly for this male model? How about a horse thrown around his muscular shoulders? No? How about a dog wrapped around his waist? How about a turban made from choohas (mice)? No? I’m going to die unfulfilled!  5. Deepak Perwani pulls a Kanye West on Urwa Hocane Urwa Hocane is the local embodiment of Taylor Swift. She’s young, fun and everywhere. You can’t turn a corner without seeing her face on a billboard or change a channel without seeing her in a drama. So we can totally understand if Deepak Perwani got a little bit flustered and went on stage, grabbed the mic, and ruined this doe-eyed young beauty’s big moment and started rapping about how someone else deserves to win that category altogether. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xp326j_taylor-swift-vma-award-moment-ruined-by-kanye-west_music[/embed]

I was first exposed to the raw talents of Qandeel Baloch whilst watching an episode of Pakistan Idol. Back then, I was unaware she was such an icon/sex symbol. All I saw was a girl close to my age walk into the audition room and completely botch her audition. After following American Idol for years and expecting all the judges to be Simon Cowell, I felt bad for her and hoped the judges would go easy on her. She seemed like a typical spoilt girl, whose heart seemed to be in the right place. Her profile on her personal website states that she “not only has the beauty and grace of a model” , she also bears “tremendous acting abilities” and that she is now “making a name with her singing talent.” [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] The website also states that she is a “fantastic fashionista” and quite recently has done “a good job in an ARY Reality TV Show”, and the viewers will soon have the “honour of seeing her savvy and totally hot performance on ARY.” I salute Ms Baloch’s publicity team, they always know exactly how to cover up/“expose” her secrets to the media. Personally, I think they are at par with Kim Kardashian West’s publicity team. When most people have intimate videos/pictures released on the internet, they are absolutely devastated; they don’t know how to face the world. But then there are individuals like Qandeel Baloch, who even though has not released a private video of any sort, does tend to post provocative pictures and videos on her Facebook page, on a daily/ weekly basis. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="480"] These videos are just of her telling her fans how much she loves them. Photo: Qandeel Baloch official Facebook page[/caption] These videos are just of her telling her fans how much she loves them, or how ill she is at the time of that video, or how much she hates that some people pretend to be her fans but they really are not. [fbvideo link="https://www.facebook.com/OfficialQandeelBaloch/videos"][/fbvideo] [fbvideo link="https://www.facebook.com/OfficialQandeelBaloch/videos"][/fbvideo] [fbvideo link="https://www.facebook.com/OfficialQandeelBaloch/videos"][/fbvideo] Sometimes I feel Qandeel Baloch doesn’t even need a publicity team, she’d be good on her own. Her videos on their own are enough to reel in massive fans and haters. It’s a given that social media has a balance of loyalists and bashers, but what exactly are we bashing her for? Some arguments verge on insanity, especially the ones which say she has no decency and no shame. Our moral brigades strike anywhere and everywhere. If she’s indecent according to your standards, don’t watch her videos, unless of course you’re held at gunpoint and have to watch it and pass a remark as well. Is it not just simpler to ignore the things/people that you do not like? It’s the 21^st century; freedom of speech is a right that should be practiced by every individual. I see nothing wrong with her posting videos and pictures on social media, after all that is exactly what social media is all about. She has the right to speak her mind, whether it is on a TV talk show with Mathira, or on her own website. She is her own person. Yes, she may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but we weren’t made to please everyone. While Qandeel Baloch comes off as a spoilt brat on TV, you have to respect her for daring to believe in herself and at least she never fails to amuse. Most families have one such member in their household too. An individual who believes they are always right, they always know best and they are the most good looking and charming person to ever walk the planet. Whether it is Qandeel Baloch or Kim Kardashian or our next door neighbour, arrogance is a pet peeve for some, and for these individuals, the best solution is to look the other way when they see something that upsets them. [fbvideo link=""]https://www.facebook.com/OfficialQandeelBaloch/videos[/fbvideo] Sure, she may make obscene statements like she will do anything for Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaaf (PTI) leader, Imran Khan; she would even be his maid. Now obviously she will not actually be his maid, so why make such a big deal out of what she says? If we look at it this way, at least she had the courage to propose to a major political leader. Would any one of us have done that? I mean, we have to give it to her; the girl’s got guts. [fbvideo link="https://www.facebook.com/OfficialQandeelBaloch/videos"][/fbvideo] Sometimes she deviates from her sultry image and manages to throw in a political opinion on international world leaders, whether it may or may not be taken into consideration is another thing. This is the same girl that said,

“Narendra Modi, you might have become the Indian prime minister, but your mentality still remains similar to that of a tea-boy. In fact, it is much more lower than that of a tea-boy’s. India is such a huge country, can’t you leave a little province like Kashmir alone? Why aren’t you letting go of our Kashmir?”

Since Pakistan’s cinema industry began its journey towards improvement and development, directors began sharing unique stories through their movies. Where Na Maloom Afraad, Waar, Karachi Se Lahore, and Manto amongst others boosted the revival of Pakistani cinema, it also provided a platform for directors to display their immense talent. However, the recently released Hijrat, directed by Farooq Mengal, failed to make the same impact as it fell short in a number of areas. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvevfLr3E8U Simply put, the acting in Hijrat is plain, flat and mediocre. It felt as if the actors were reading the script without emotions, completely detached from their assigned characters. Moreover, the romantic scenes failed to stir any on-screen chemistry between the lead actor Murad (Asad Zaman) and the lead actress Jia (Rabia Butt). A couple of scenes did showcase their acting ability, such as Murad and Jia in the rain and the mass burial, but that was about it. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] The romantic scenes failed to stir any on-screen chemistry between the lead actor Murad (Asad Zaman) and the lead actress Jia (Rabia Butt). Photo: Hijrat Facebook page[/caption] The story revolves around the life of Murad, living the ideal life in Istanbul, but his life takes a complete U-turn. His mother’s last wish was that he visits Quetta and works for an NGO that caters to Afghan refugees. This major transition in Murad’s life is down-right ludicrous and it honestly leaves the audience confused. You’re likely to lose your focus by the time Murad leaves Turkey for Quetta. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] The story revolves around the life of Murad, living the ideal life in Istanbul. Photo: Hijrat Facebook page[/caption] Usually, the evolution of the protagonist strengthens the plot of the movie, but in Hijrat, the plot remains stagnant and evokes no emotions within the audience. Also starring in the movie are versatile actors such as Nadeem Baig, Jamal Shah, and Ayub Khoso, sharing the screen with Saima Baloch, Zeb Rehman, Durdana Butt and Mahjabeen. Despite the inclusion of the aforementioned star studded cast, Hijrat lacks in captivating its viewers. The movie progresses in the midst of confusion and neither of our questions are answered. One of the most puzzling aspects is the ambiguous relationship between Murad and Jia. When it finally seems their chemistry will flourish, we stumble upon a second girl, Mahi (Rubab Ali). How is she connected to Murad? That’s another question added to the list. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] As the movie progresses, questions keep increasing rather than being answered. Photo: Hijrat Facebook page[/caption] The characterisation is too clichéd, it feels more like a sappy soap opera. The songs of the movie do not compliment the story line at all. It felt that they were forced into the movie to provide entertainment, but miserably failed.  The chorography in Brand Chor was below par, but we can say that Ujaar Basti Fegaar Rahain sung by Rahat fateh Ali Khan has a lovely rhythm to it. The item song Chali Re Chali featuring Sana is a fast-paced song where she shows a lot of skin in an attempt to duplicate Mathira and Mehwish Hayat in Main Hoon Shahid Afridi and Na Maloom Afraad. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQkdBASbTOk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOkfEMCXmhI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=No8WRzmIDQI Hijrat is anything but great. Director Faroq Mengal should be given credit for his earnest effort though. However, a stronger plot, cohesive scenes and finer chemistry between the characters could have made it a better watch. Believe me; you won’t be missing out much if you don’t watch Hijrat.